Played a really odd game last night.
I've got so annoyed with Guard insta winning with lists written by drunk noobs with bad dice, that I decided to create the ultimate guard killing list.
Spent a chunk of saturday making it, set up the tables and got out all the models on the evening...and then with it sat in front of me,it looked totally crap. Lh turned up and I realised it even had 4 fast attack options. So it sucked bad and was out the window.
LH suggested 1750 and that he wouldn't take guard..so I could unwind.
I took
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Hestan MC relic blade,digi,HF 2/3++-190 (sat with rifles)
Space marine captain with relic blade combi melta and bike--175
Command squad--315
1) apothecary
2) Company champion (WS5 pwr wep+Cshield)
3) melta gun thunderhammer storm shield
4) Melta gun lightning claw storm shield
5) gribbly CCW BP.
Troop 1) 3 bikes (1 flamer 1 melta) sarge with combi melta, MM attack bike -190
Troop 2) 3 bikes (1 flamer 1 melta) sarge with combi melta, MM attack bike -190
Troop 3) 3 bikes (1 flamer 1 melta) sarge with combi melta, MM attack bike -190
HF MM tornado-70
HF MM tornado-70
5 scouts camo cloaks sniper rifles heavy bolter (blasty goodness) sarge has sniper rifle and combi melta.-110
Storm with heavy flamer, scouts with fist 160
Thunderfire cannon. 100
1760
He took
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an CC inquisitor with mystics and ablatives
min maxed stormtroopers 5 man 2 plas or something
min maxed stormtroopers 5 man 2 plas or something
min maxed stormtroopers 5 man 2 melta or something they all used guard codex transports because well..everyone would use guard stuff if they could. (So they were 30 point cheaper mech vets)
6 individual power weapon str 4 5++ int 5 meq killing death cultists.
2 demonhosts,.
Token 2x platoon HQs with 3 flamers
20 man blob squad from the guard codex with commissar of super fearlessness 2 autocannons
20 man blob squad from the guard codex with commissar of super fearlessness 2 autocannons
30 man blob squad from the guard codex with commissar of super fearlessness 3 missile launchers.
(I can't remember if we bat repped but we played a game recently of guard horde vs ork horde..and guard with creed won 10 kills to 1.)
+ 4chimeras
Some roughriders
and a heavy weapons squad of lascannons
1762 (obvious troll is obvious
)
him"Lascannon - makes a HWT priority 1 - so in my eyes better in blob squads. I don't think they're worth taking at all "
me "Lascannons as heavy platforms can be viable."
Him- "i'm not taking guard".He gets turn one, he kills my thunderfire 3 bikes.(my tornados are deepstriking, my storm scouts are outflanking)
My turn 1 no where to hide.. not enough range..I run in close turbo boosting.
His turn 2.. he kills troop units 1,2,3 and command squad member 1 (the apothecary.)
My turn 2 Storm scouts come on, storm kills 3 whole guardsmen.. powerfist *stuns* a chimera..start turn 2 being 700 points down already I decide..&%*&* guard. and start my rifle scouts running across the table to smack them in the face (and the techmarine who has lost his gun).
9 oclock. (we're starting a bit later these days becuase LH has commitments, but also because we both rewrote lists and got out lots of bits and bobs for armies.
His turn 3, his assassins kill my techmarine, 2 blob squads and an assasin kill command 3 (thunderhammer)5 (gribbly) and independant charector.
My turn 3 My Tornados turn up..but with everything so centric those large squads and the double mystic obvious..I just decide to deny him his tabling and put them the far side of the table behind some totally obscuring terrain (although he still claims to be able to hit them with 2 modified for wider front arcchimeras ... guard players..tsk tsk. My rifle scouts make it into his
HQ and butcher them (hestan does nothing, it is my rifle scouts who take them out).
Went out for a smoking break, we’re talking about vassal, and just as my primary school teaching young neighbour walks out her back door to let out her dog LH exhales and says rather loudly
“I’ll even rape you on the internet!!”, I heard her door close, I didn’t see her face.
......
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......
Time warp to 10.30
Turn 6 game endsI still have exactly the same models on the table (minus 2 scouts) as 6 player turns ago… my scout sniper rifles (guardsmen with less attacks and no ld buff)who charged across the table with hestan have killed;
His entire
HQ1 Assassin
A platoon
HQAnd are now sat fighting a str8 t7 reknitted demonhost in a uber tarpit of mewling dice.
My lone company champion on bike is sat on a mountain of skulls.. having seen off 2 assassins, 1x21 man blobs squad and got the other giant blob squad down to 5 man.
He wants to get more people in to beat me up..but his giant squads are bubblewrapping me from any further assault units.
My tornadoes are still just sat behind terrain in a corner refusing to let him have a shooting phase..
Lo..and didst the craven crutch leaning guardsman weep, for I iz an ULTRASMURF and this IS SPARTA!!!! AN I used---------TACTICS!!!He didn’t get to shoot anything, he didn’t get to kill anything, there was much of the universal gesture of the Booyah groinal thrusting.. I taunted him mercilessly as to his inability with 130 attacks to bring down one bicycle and 4 trainee guardsmen.
So although technically,if your going to be a ruleslawyer about it, he tabled me turn 2(and the only thing stopping it being sooner was that he couldn't take orders)..it being a guard list written by a dribbling monkey with terrible dice and no tactics..I won. Because I got to watch him do absolutely nothing with 1700 points for 5 turns/2hours.
I F*)(&£(*$ hate guard- oh yeah but that wasn't guard..or was it...?